End of august
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Teachers day celebrations
go to school just for a one hour plus concert
that was frankly rather bad compared to the previous year
Sianz
rotting at home
on a wednesday morning
no point talking so much
its a hectic and dog eat dog world out there
all i want to do is escape from reality
it doesnt matter how short or long, just the feeling of being free from everything is so
appealing....................................
11:52:00 AM
ALL singaporean reject
Friday, August 26, 2005
ANother tiring and frustrating week has gone by
sianz words cant describe the hybrid of emotions that have been swelling my head for the past 5 or 6 days.
One of the worst feelings u can experience is that when u are dying to say something to ease the crushing burden on the heart and yet there are few who are willing to listen. I guess nobody wants to burdened by other peoples problems, yeah who wants extra burden.
I end up keeping this feelings to myself, and frankly this sends my mood into swings like a sine curve, explosive and hard to contain. Somehow i can sort of hide the lousy feelings in school , which frankly in my opinion AINT EVEN WORTH IT.
2 weeks to my actual prelims, 7 days to gp and a shit load to study
today my hist teacher said this, u cannot give up now, u must encourage one another, the class should be a caring enviroment where one person helps another
sure that would be fine if u have ur buddies in ur clique to help u out, to chill out and somepeople where u can just be yourself and let ur hair down
friendship, they say this is one of the most important things to teenagers in their lives, people to share their laughter and joys with, people to talk with anithing another the sun.............
The ironic thing is , i get along better with people outside my class, outside friends, cca mates, other cj people in other classes
what the the hell, for the past 15 months there will sure be some post within a month that sounds so whiny
ugh why wont i stop
i keep harping on how the past seemed to be better before i stepped into cj, before i entered a co-ed environment, am i really that bad at interacting with the opposite sex, sure guys and girls think differently no doubt about that, but i am sure there are some common points of interest.
Maybe its the way guys and gals express themselves differently
ok back to studies
maths mock?????????? i was freaking hoping to pass
but a big failure again >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>37 marks out of 100
econs mock>>>>>>>>>>>>> 45/100 just passed
Gp mock>>>>>>>>> compre 21/50 utterly horrible
essay was ok 35/50
hist mock?Dont know yet
i just wanted to say something......... but i think its too dangerous to do so online
Its good to know that there are people who care for you, if u do have such people, please treasure their friendship and concern.
Often u do not realise things until they are taken away from u.
meaningful song
ALL American rejects - Dirty litte secret
Let me know that I've done wrongWhen I've known this all alongI go around a time or twoJust to waste my time with you
Tell me all that you've thrown away
Find out games you don't wanna play
You are the only one that needs to know
I'll keep you my dirty little secret(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret
Who has to knowWhen we live such fragile livesIt's the best way we surviveI go around a time or twoJust to waste my time with youTell me all that you've thrown away
Find out games you don't wanna play
You are the only one that needs to know
I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret
Who has to knowThe way she feels inside (inside)Those thoughts I can't deny (deny)These sleeping dogs won't lie (won't lie)And now I try to hideIt’s eating me apartTrace this life outI'll keep you my dirty little secret(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret)
I'll keep you my dirty little secret(
Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret
Dirty little secret
Dirty little secret
Who has to know
Who has to know
9:44:00 PM
Friday, August 19, 2005
The weekend is finally here
at last
each week seems to be so tiring
and sianz
its not tiring in the physical sense but more of the mental sense
why? cos the prelims are drawing ever nearer
and the stress is building
hist mock, paper 3 will not be good, paper 2 should be passable
entire week was more or less focused on history
i must say that i dun think i can keep this up much longer, this routine is killing me
its become school home slack nap study sleep school , repeat repeat repaeat
in my heart its still so troubled, just cant throw aside other thoughts and focus..........
i feel Vexed, perplexed for some unexplainable reason........
walkdown yesteryear
eve of good friday 2004, a boy walks out of the classroom in a college in singapore, he sees his classmates walking off and without thinking tries to follow them and ends up at the bus stop. In his mind , this would just be another class outing which so common during just a month ago. He steps onto the bus, turns behind.......... no one, the bus whizzes off and he sees the rest of his classmates standing at the bus stop, he gets off at the next bus stop and boards the bus again, seeing his classmates again, in his mind something was immediately amiss, he sensed that something was wrong but dismissed it as being overly sensitive. So he joins his classmates at lunch at macdonalds , after that everyone dispersed.
april 22nd 2004 the boy is crushed .......... the truth hits him , and HITS hard
its was just 6 days after the boys 17th bday
May 8th 2004..... another blow to the stomach.......... movie at tiong bahru plaza , absolutely distraught and lost............... the boy becomes severley disillusioned, earlier he wanted to watch the movie Van hellsing with his classmates and was unaware that he was unwelcome until it was too late..........
May 16th 2004, he walks back to acs primary school feeling extremely vexed, earlier some of his classmates saw him and ran past him as if he didnt exist, the boy sees this but doesnt chase after them......... he simply cannot comprehend what is going on
spending the entire afternoon alone at a mrt station doing flag day makes u think about a lot of things , when he walks back to the mrt station he sees a big group of boys and girls laughing, wearing the same uniform, he relises its his classmates, one of guys his old classmate from sji says hi......... the boy tries to smile and says hi while trugding his heavy feet and hiding the lousy feelings that were bursting out
the boy complains and wails to his parents claiming that it was torture to continue studying in cj, the mum tries to talk sense into the boy who was BLINDED By fear, regret, self-pity,envy, she claims the boy has to hang on. The boy insists on transfering school
mum claims that wont solve the problem and the boy has to at least finish jc 1.
sports day 2004, the boy has a funni feelings around his eye, he goes home and later sees the doctor regarding his eye problems.
One day bfore gp exam, the boy contracts shingles around the eyes and is given 7 days mc, the doc cant believe a 17 yr old guy can be so stressed to that point that nerves were affected aroudn the eyes.
Over the next week, the boy is in a daze and constantly feels tired
....................................july passes, august passes, sept passes, oct and the promos are here
the boy studies and is constantly distracted, simply cant focus, in the end he scraps through the promos with an eeo. In his heart somewhere he wished he had retained so he wouldnt have to go through this shit again, yet he knew this would be incredibly stupid.
te following accounts are based on a true story and events ,
if u want more details ask me.
thats all for now
11:35:00 PM
aimless and drfting
Saturday, August 13, 2005
I seriously dont know what i am doing at times,
there is no goal , no motivation
take it one day at a time
sure, but work piles up so fast
i seriously need a break from everything
and escape from reality for a day or two
so called holidays during national day were burnt away trying to do maths revision for maths mock which was held today.
was late by 5 mins cos my stomach refuses to co-operate for the past month or so
so damn erratic, its seriously damn annoying,
i dun know the exact cause of my stomach problems.
i suspect that it is milo, but it seems there will be days where i have to spend half an hour sitting on the toliet seat............
maths was alrite, can pass i think but the issue is not about passing but trying to achieve a higher grade
Ok so there were good things that happened like watching charlie and the chocolate factory with my classmates, its been like MONths since there was a form of " class outing", but well it turned out fine aniway special mention to Lz for organising the trip not to mention booking the tickets at SUntec by phone cos PS was way overcrowded and so was the entire orchard area, the movie is nice though i have never heard of it previously, haha i dun read books u noe only car and mens magazines, video game mags etc.
Went to watch the annual parade at SJI. haha it will probably be the last time in a while that i will go there, saw the change of command, brings back memories of my time from '00-'03 as a student in sji.
Met my friend J went to town to eat long john's silver before heading off to play pool. I wanna catch a movie but it was not possible due to time restrictions, cineleisure as usual has tons of hot chix especially on Sat nights, a feast for the eyes and senses.
so like i am supposed to study for hist test on monday, hist mock exam on friday
which is a killer cos of all the content
GIMME A BREAK!!!!!!!!!!
I need one
and i dun feel like having tuition for maths tml after todays mock.......
Oh yeah, to FUZZ, all the best ya, turning 18 marks a new year with new hopes,challenges and aspirations.
I remember the days of being 17...........it wasnt nice or memorable...............IT sucked.......
2:09:00 PM
August
Saturday, August 06, 2005
here i am rotting away on a sat nite, it has been a tired and hectic week
damn 2 mock exams are finally over, bleaz my time management sux always sleep late at nite, i the end have to burn the afternoon taking naps, procastinating till 9 pm to start work and then dragging to 1+ and the cycle repeats itself.
Not TIme efficient at all.
Lets c , wed had career days attend lectures about diff indusrties and had talks by the universities. I like the marketing talk, the speaker noes his stuff and gets to the point in a frank no doubt crude manner. WOrking looks unattractive cos the starting pay can barely hit 2k a month, man looks like pple work their asses off to earn cash.
They say that work sux more than school. I guess in this aspect it is true though i have yet to work, its all about chasing green paper called money, yes dirty money that can satisfy all of humans selfish desires.
Later in the day had steamboat , a farewell for me and cca mates ( second year) at marina bay, haha the trip there quite exciting, once we left marina mrt station, got a pickup truck to take us there, lolz all the guys sitting in the open space at the back of the truck, had to hold on to the railing damn tight, u can feel the wind rushing as the truck picked up speed. Kinda scary cos i was sitting at the back, on top of the 'lid", look behind me and its the pavement.
okay so we started eating around 540 pm, very early for me, cos i usually eat dinner close to 8 pm. wah ate alot of fodd, until like 730 or so, super stuffed, there was a hot chic at the next table, wau lau damn distracting, keep on looking at her while eating of cos in a discrete manner. After that , we said farewell to the j1's and the guys ( j2's) went bowling, the funni thing that happen is that someone pressed a button during my turn which resulted in me getting an automatic strike!
That was why my score shot over a 100, actually score i think should be 88, kinda lousy but who cares. Finished bowling about 830 after that a long trip home, got home around 930, darn too late to do ani productive work. Oh i still had to type some gp stuff to send to my gp paper
Friday was econs mock, LT wasnt that cold , i think i can pass hopefully, friday was a long day, from 8 am to 6pm, mentally drained.
Today had gp mock in the morning at 8 am, my goodness i was freeZING literally, was shivering like mad, my hands started to go numb particularily my fingers, argh next time i will definitely bring a jacket. when i walked out of the LT, my glasses instantly fogged up. Gp essay is going to be tricky cos i wrote about recyling, hope for the best, argh i dun wan to talk about gp, gp is irritating.
After that went to nydc at holland village for lunch with a friend, talked bout stuff and had my favourite hawaiian pasta, yum yum. Went home by 2 pm, play final fantasy 7 haha yes i am still playing that game, took a nap, rotted away had dinner, watch some dinner,
and here i am typing this entry at 1029 pm .
peace out.
10:11:00 PM
